How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

After joining the Temple University MBA Alumni business book club, I received an e-mail explaining that the next book we’d be reading and discussing is How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Having read this book about 10 years ago, I decided to pull it off the shelf and read it again. The book was written in 1936 so it is interesting to read from that perspective. My copy, with its yellowed-pages was printed in 1964 so the language is still a bit out of date but full of interesting stories from its time and timeless tips on working with others.

The book club is meeting next week and I agreed to come up with a few questions to create a discussion about Dale Carnegie’s classic work. In order to familiarize you with the book if you haven’t read it or like me, it has been awhile, I created a brief outline of the book. Read through the questions and join us from 6:00-7:00 PM on April 28th, at the Independence Brew Pub in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania located on Filbert between 11th and 12th. click here for directions
The book club is just forming and all are welcome to join. You don’t have to be a Temple MBA or graduate to participate.

Part I- Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
• Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Arouse in the person an eager want.

Part II- Six Ways to Make People to Like You
• Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Smile.
• Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Talk in terms of other people’s interests.
• Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Part III- How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
• The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Begin in a friendly way.
• Get the other person to say, “yes, yes” immediately.
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Let the person feel the idea is his or hers.
• Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
• Appeal to nobler motives.
• Dramatize your ideas.
• Throw down a challenge.

Part IV- Be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
• Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Let the other person save face.
• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Questions to Discuss

1. Which of these ideas presented by Carnegie stood out to you?

2. Which, if any, did you find hard to accept?

3. Many writers, trainers, coaches, managers, parents, teachers, have been teaching these ideas in different forms throughout the years. Do we, as a society or culture still need to read and discuss them?

4. What is one thing you’d like to do different as a result of reading the book?

5. What questions do you have for other readers of the book?

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How Do We Evaluate Resources?

All of the books we review are evaluated on how they support a leader’s progress in applying our working definition of leadership.

We teach leaders to: Focus, Build, and Adapt:

Focus: A leader is able to see a new future

Build: A leader can build from his or her strengths as a foundation, adding on new skills, knowledge, and attitudes to create the new future.

Adapt: A leader is skilled at using feedback from their own thinking, other people’s reactions, and results/information from their environments to self-correct and keep moving toward the new future they envisioned.

Here is our rating system:

Outstanding 4

Good 3

Satisfactory 2

Unsatisfactory 1

Focus- How well does this book inspire a vision of a new future?

Build- How well does this book teach new knowledge and skills?

Adapt-How well does this book assist readers in examining and optimizing their own behaviors?

Overall Rating as a Leadership Resource: We average the ratings in the above three categories.